I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Couch. On fire.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
