that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
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you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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