Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
