I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
