My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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