I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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