Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i think my cat just said my name.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
