so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she looked like the before picture.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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