Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
