god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
