i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
