five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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