Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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