Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
