This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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