Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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