Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
