I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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