Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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