Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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