every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
