Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
