I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize