We're facebook friends in real life
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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