When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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