ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
