guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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