Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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