"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think I won the penis lottery.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
