So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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