I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
