Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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