So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
