i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
