So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Your tits are I can't wait for
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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