All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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