Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
