Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
