All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
