I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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