WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
