the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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