Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
All I want is dick and wine.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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