Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
