im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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