Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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