I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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