I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hippo gnu deer
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
