I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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