ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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