no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
