i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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