My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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