I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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