My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
