are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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