im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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