i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
