Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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