I want to walk on stilts...naked
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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