I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
