I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
