At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
