If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
