All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
