hell yes lets make some ravioli
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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