I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
