I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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