If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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