Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
