i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
