so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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