i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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