Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
