good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize