I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
